Photo credit to: Adrien Coquet
If you look at my mini bio in the bar to your right, you’ll see that it says that currently I’m a theatre arts major and I’m pursuing a career in live theatre. I’ve had a passion for theatre since I was in high school when I took a theatre class on a whim. It was incredibly fun and I felt that I could actually do this. Sure I was good at English and somewhat good at arts, but theatre was a place where I felt that I could work and grow and become something greater.
And then I took an art history class last semester.
More so I took an East Asian art history class.
The thing I didn’t mention was that when I was in the third grade, I wanted to be an archeologist. I had become consumed with curiosity for ancient civilizations and history. This, by far, pushed past all of my other interests. I at one point wanted to go to Harvard Law (I know, talk about aiming high). But when every other interest faded there were always two that remained: art and archeology. I wanted to be a creator but I also desperately wanted to be out on expeditions in search for further understanding of who we were as a species thousands of years in the past. What can we learn from them? What can we be amazed at? What were their beliefs and their wants?
So here I am. Years in the future and I’m back to the old argument I had with myself when I was around… twelve. I had thought about moving to the art history and archeological field. I even asked my professor at the end of last semester to give me some tips on how to move further down that road, should I want to. It was something that weighed very heavy on my mind for a little bit.
This is scary because for the longest time since the end of my freshman year of high school I had a plan. I had a plan to start my theatre schooling at my local junior college and transfer within two years to a bigger University to continue on and then to go out and look for work. I knew it was going to be a rocky road from the start, but I never thought I would doubt about what career I wanted.
This was paired with a few unsavory things I’ve come to see with theatre. I won’t really go into detail, but it’s definitely lost it’s luster and I lost a bit of my passion for it. I’m convinced that I just need to get out of the small community out of my junior college and just start working or learning elsewhere. At the moment, that’s something I want to do. I want to still go to school, but I’m interested in looking for internships at a museum and perhaps a theatre. I want to see each field from the eyes of a student at the lowest rung of the ladder.
There’s also the nagging, tantalizing thought of just moving completely into a purely creative field. I’ve always had the urge to be a creator and artist, but practically, it’s not something that can guarantee supporting me financially. I thought about just forgetting school altogether and becoming a creator.
If anything, I know I won’t be happy just settling. Yeah, this is a something a lot of young people feel I’m sure, but I’ve never liked the idea of just settling for something just in the middle. I’m drawn to hard work like a moth to a flame and all of these things I talked about ask for a lot of hard work. Like years, and years of hard work. So wherever I go, I know I’m going to a place that’ll push my limits and force me to work harder and smarter. I don’t think I can be content with getting some 9-5 and living in my beach city. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t know if I’ll ever forever be away from Southern California, I’m learning to appreciate more and more, but I definitely feel like I want to strive for bigger things.
I like learning, I like having my wits tested, I like being able to create–these are all things I want to make a career out of. I’m still learning and, thank god, I’m still young. I have years to go and while they move faster every time, I feel like I’m learning more and more about myself and more about what I want to do. My problem thus far is concentrating my efforts into one single point in my mind. There are so many other things that art and history I want to do, but one can only be stretched so far.
I’m still trying to figure it out, but I think with the next school year I might be closer to an answer. If not, I’ll keep striving for an answer, for a solution. Something that’ll make me happy and also able to support my cats. They’re my children after all.