On Focus

So this past semester hasn’t been all that great. I had dropped one of my three classes, I took on two shows, failed a different class, and am having some personal problems. Needless to say, I’ve been having a little bit of trouble. One of these troubles is focusing. Last summer I had talked about how I was feeling like I was at a crossroads. Where I felt like I had to make a decision because it was important to my education and my career.

I feel like I’m still there, just incredibly–painfully indecisive.

I have a lot of projects I want to work on. I want to work on my novels, my YT channel, school, acting, theatre, etc. etc. There are a lot of things I am passionate about and it sort of, kind of freaks me out that I might have to just laser focus on one thing. Mostly because I then don’t want to look back and go, “damn I should’ve focused on that instead”. So I’m in a bit of a bind. I really want to focus on this blog because it’s fun (and I have time now to actually, you know, read), but I also want to focus on things that might take much more of my time.

Blogging, while fun, has also become a bit of a challenge. If I want the traffic, I have to constantly be advertising it. I have to constantly be active in the community. I’ve gotta be on twitter, mostly, and while I really did enjoy it–it hasn’t been a place I want to be at all hours of the day. No offense to those I really enjoy following, it’s just the community there as a whole hasn’t been feeling overly positive lately and it’s really grinding my groove haha.

I also haven’t been able to focus on a book. Currently I’m reading two books at the moment and I can’t seem to just sit and read for hours. I feel restless. Like I should be doing something else, even though I am doing something. My mind has been going a hundred miles per hour just revolving over different tasks and projects I need to do. I tried to start a bullet journal to get them all down, but I got really tired after a bit (story of my life, to be honest).

This post really didn’t have anything great or meaningful to say, I just had to get some things down in text format. I think I might just start hardcore scheduling things in time brackets to get my mind in order. I hate that I have to be so structured, but I honestly feel like I’m going crazy having my mind constantly jump back and forth between different tasks and projects. I can do it. It’ll just take a lot of work.


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